Online Blog

Methodist Squirrels
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There were four country churches in a small TEXAS town:
The Presbyterian Church , the Baptist Church , the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels .

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the s quirrels. After much prayer and consideration they Determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
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In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
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The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back
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But -- the METHODIST CHURCH came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
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Hi there!

At some point you have to give up the DAISY DUKES
SENIOR DRESS CODE

Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to Conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates! and a walker
And last, but not least
13. Thongs and Depends

May the Lord Smile upon You Today!!! [INLINE]

If you got an email from me with this subject DELETE IT!!!!! It is
infected with the Win32/Magistr.B virus. Another friend sent me the message
that I had it and I have disinfected. Please accept my apologies
{\o/}
/_\ Mary J

Just a very quick note to let you know everything went very well today for the infusion. I had no reactions at all. Everything went smooth. I was a little bit sleepy on the ride home due to the benadryl they gave me before the thing began. It did indeed take 3 hours, but I was in a private room with a TV and they let Mike go in with me. They also had lots of food for the both of us to eat. So, everything was very nice, the nurses were gr8 too!!! TY everybody for your good wishes and your prayers. Love & hugs, Lynda [INLINE]

HOLIDAY GREETINGS!!!!!!!
I cant believe we've come full circle and its already Campaign 1 in Avon brochures, but IT IS indeed. I pray that this email finds you well and safe and happy and healthy, and I want to thank you for all the avon business you've BLESSED me with over the last year. THANK you just sometimes doesnt seem like ENOUGH.
The next orders are turned in on THURSDAY, December 20th..........BUT if you absolutely MUST have something sooner, with delivery by CHRISTMAS, EMAIL ME TODAY, Monday, Dec. 17th - and I will have the items back to me ON Thursday, and ready to ship out THAT DAY!
NEW Romantic Flowers Clock - lovely clock is embellished with romantic floral decorations. Roman numeral face with battery-operated quartz movement. Porcelain with plastic and metal parts, uses one AAA battery (not included), 7 1/2" H x 5 1/4" W, if purchased separately $19.99, with any $10 brochure purchase, ONLY $10
FRAGRANCE:
Far Away Eau de Parfum Spray $10 - low low price
Buy a fragrance Spray, get a SHOWER GEL & FLORAL UMBRELLA F R E E !!!!!!!!!!! a $20 value
Choose from: Celebre, Incandessence, Dolce Aura, or Rare Gold
HAIKU Harmony Gift Set - boxed set includes Eau de Parfum Spray and a scented Pillar Candle with satin flowers embedded in the wax, candle brns for approx. 35 hours, $20
IMARI Purse Spray, Lotion & Shower Gel ONLY $15
Cologne Sprays - 2 for $15:
Night Magic Evening Musk
Timeless
Candid
Peach Soft Musk
Vanilla Soft Musk
Soft Musk
Sweet Honesty
Black Suede, buy one, get one FREE Cologne Spray $15.50 or Cologne Splash $14.50 or After Shave $3.50
SKIN CARE:
CLEARLY C 10% Vitamin C Serum PM - lightweight serum helps bring back the clarity of healthy looking skin in just TWO weeks, regularly 20 now just $10
PURE O2 Oxygenating Youth Complex SPF 15 AM - refreshing airy foam with SPF 15 and broad spectrum UVA/UVB protection increases the delivery and use of pure life-giving oxygen to skin. Helps skin "breathe" easier, fighting off visible signs of againg faster, for longer; erases signs of stress and fatigue, for ALL ages, all SKIN types, even sensitive skin......$24.00
RETROACTIVE - Age Reversal Cream AM/PM - patent pending hydroxy acid-free moisturizing treatment featuring Rejuvi-cell technology helps slow down the signs of aging in younger skin and reverses the signs of aging in mature skin - skin wont show its true age again! $24
Introducing.......MOISTURE 24 Long-Lasting Hydrating Cream..... an oasis of continuous moisture, instantly quences dry, thirsty skin, locks in and replenishes moisture beyond 24 hours!! INTRO price $7......will be $11 in brochure 3 <G
SKINTRITION Multi-Vitamin Skin Primer AM/PM - Lightweight lotion delivers a "daily allowance" of Vitamins A, C, E, Minerals and folic acid directly to skin for a healthier, more radiant look, 1.7 fl. oz $16
LUMINOSITY - Brightening Complex SPF 15 AM - brightens skin tone; visibly fades freckles and discolorations $20
CLEARSKIN 10% Benzoyl Peroxide Vanishing Cream is now $2.50 - last time in brochure, while supplies last!
LIGHTEN up PLUS Undereye Treatment - for dark undereye circles.....$15
Banishing Cream Skin Discoloration Lightener, $8.50
Dramatic Firming Cream for Face & Throat $12
BATH & BODY:
Naturals Body Sprays are ALL $5 each:
Chamomile
Sea
Fuzzy Peach
Honeysuckle
Pear
Simply Vanilla
Gardenia
Green Tea
Cherry Blossom
Calming Lavender
Blossoming Petals
SUNRISE
ANY 2 for $5:
Rollettes: Sweet Honesty, Soft Musk, Odyssey, Night Magic Evening Musk, Peach Soft Musk
Perfumed Skin Softeners: Odyssey, Timeless, Candid, Sweet Honesty, Night Magic Evening Musk, Soft Musk, Peach Soft Musk
Perfumed Body TALCS: Imari, Mesmerize, Timeless Odyssey, Sweet Honesty, Peach Soft Musk, Soft Musk, Candid, Modern Balance, Uomo, Perceive for Men, Wild Country, Black Suede and Mesmerize for Men
INTRODUCING.........AROMATHERAPY SLEEP Therapy - $5 each - like a gentle lullaby, Sleep Therapy soothes body and spirit for a night of sublime repose. A whisper of chamomile and lavender encourages relaxation, while warm cinnamon and soft vanilla quiet and comfort
Body Lotion
Foam Bath
Shower Gel
Linen & Room Spray
Skin So Soft Body Lotions - great value $5 EACH, choose from Original, Light & Lush and Soft & Sensual fragrances
JEWELRY:
New - Rhinestone Accent Inside-Out Hoop Earrings - silvertone with rhinestones inside & outside each look, pierced....choose from CLEAR or AQUA $15 each pair
Dazzling Rhinestone Tennis Bracelet WATCH - silvertone with faceted crystal over black dial. Quartz movement. Rhinestone link band, 7" L with 1" extender, intro special $20
Dazzling Rhinestone Tennis Bracelet - small 7" or large 8" $15
Silvertone CZ Ballerina Ring - small (size 6) medium (size 8) or large (size 10) $30
Goldtone Rhinestone Boot Anklet - adjusts from 11" to 13" $15
Rhinestone Enamel Butterfly Pin - burnished brass finishw ith simulated accents, 2" W $10
Chakra "Energy" Stretch Bead Bracelets - TWO for $15.00 or $10 each: Amethyst (crown chakra) intuition and intelligence, Citrine (solar plexus chakra) inner strength and mental clarity, Turquoise (throat chakra) health and communication OR Rose Quartz (heart chakra) love and compassion
Chakra Charm Earring Bundle - goldtone pierced hoops with seven sets of genuine stone dangles, intro special $10
Chakra Necklace - seven genuine stones believed to balance the bodys seven energy centers, 16" goldtone chain with 3" extender, $15
CAT Slide Bracelet - kitties in various poses of matte goldtone with rhinestones & colorful enamel-look accents. Foldover clasp with mouse closure, small 7" or 8" large.....$10
ELVIS MUSICAL WATCH - plays the melody "Love me Tender" at the press of a button, quartz movement, silvertone with black vinyl strap, 9" L $30
THOMAS KINKADE Illuminated WATCH - press button and face lights up. Quartz movement. Goldtone case with leather lined vinyl strap, 9" L
NEW Avon Jewelry Cleaner - made by Hagerty for Avon, cleans even delicate stones and pearls, 8 fl oz. $6
Magnetic Necklace Buddy - magnetic close add-on clasp attaches to your favorite necklace for easy on and off. Holds up to two necklaces for a layered look. With lobster claw on one end, jump ring on the other, 1 5/8" L, goldtone or silvertone $4 each
COLOR/MAKEUP:
Glitterati Makeup:
Glitter Nail Enamels available in Disco Plum, Glam Ruby and Cocoa Glow $2
Glitter Color Rich Lipsticks available in same shades, $3
Introducing......Luminous Liquid Eye Colors - highly reflective, pearlized colorants create a multifaceted "color foil" effect. Hi-beam color stays smooth and even, wont budge, applicator designed to apply color two ways: as a liner and shadow.
Colors available: pales/sheers: vanilla pearl, diamond dust beiges/browns: bubbles, venus and mauves/berries: twilight and sky
SPEED DRY Nail Enamels are now ONLY $2 each - write for shades available
Professional Cuticle Pusher - textured to ensure optimum control, buffed edges prevent scratching, stainless steel, 5" L intro special $4
Professional Cuticle Nipper $8
Professional Slanted Tweezers $3
Professional Emery Boards, set of 4 $2.50 - last time in brochure
Nail Shaper Manicure Kit - contains nail file, 3 way buffer, pumice stone, cuticle trimmer/pusher and nail clipper...ONLY $10
Mascaras and Glimmersticks any 2 for $7 - mix or match
Moisture Effective Eye Makeup Remover Lotion - buy one get one FREE $3.50 each!
BIG COLOR EYE Pencils......now $4 each - Blue Sky, Summer Lilac, Mint Breeze, Cocoa Praline, Royal Velvet or Nutmeg
GOD BLESS
Lori Jusko - AKA: The Avon Lady!
https://www.paypal.com/refer/pal=6792VMKE2B5UU
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Researchers Discover On/Off Switch for Chronic Pain

Newswise -- Chronic pain affects approximately 48 million people in the U.S. and current medications are either largely ineffective or have serious side effects. But researchers from Columbia University Medical Center have discovered a protein in nerve cells that acts as a switch for chronic pain, and have applied for a patent to develop a new class of drugs that will block chronic pain by turning this switch off. The discovery is published on the website of the journal Neuroscience, and will appear in the publication's August issue.

Most prior attempts at alleviating chronic pain have focused on the "second order" neurons in the spinal cord that relay pain messages to the brain. It's difficult to inhibit the activity of these neurons with drugs, though, because the drugs need to overcome the blood-brain barrier. Instead, the CUMC researchers have focused on the more accessible "first order" neurons in the periphery of our body that send messages to the spinal cord.

Pain becomes chronic when the activity of first and second order neurons persists after damaged neuron heals or the tissue inflammation subsides. It's been known for years that for chronic pain to persist, a master switch must be turned on inside the peripheral neurons, though until now the identity of this switch remained a mystery. Richard Ambron, Ph.D., professor of cell biology, and Ying-Ju Sung, Ph.D., assistant professor, both in the department of Anatomy and Cell Biology, have now discovered that the switch is an enzyme called protein kinase G (PKG).

"We're very optimistic that this discovery and our continued research will ultimately lead to a novel approach to pain relief for the millions suffering from chronic pain," said Dr. Ambron.

The researchers found that upon injury or inflammation, the PKG is turned on and activated. Once activated, these molecules set off other processes that generate the pain messages. As long as the PKG remains on, the pain persists. Conversely, turning the PKG off relieves the pain, making PKG an excellent target for therapy.

Dr. Ambron and Dr. Sung have applied for a patent for the pathway that turns on the PKG, as well as several molecules that inhibit it.

Based on the 2004 Americans Living with Pain Survey, 72 percent of people with chronic pain have lived with it for more than three years, including a third who have lived with pain for more than a decade. Yet nearly half of people with pain do not consult a physician for several months or longer, despite the impact the pain has on their lives.

The worldwide painkiller market was worth $50 billion in 2005 and is expected to increase to $75 billion by 2010 and $105 billion by 2015. But none of the existing drugs on the market are adequate to deal with chronic pain. Cox-2 inhibitors carry severe risk of side effects, opioids are highly addictive, Tylenol is ineffective for chronic pain, and other pain drugs cause significant drowsiness.

Columbia University Medical Center provides international leadership in pre-clinical and clinical research, in medical and health sciences education, and in patient care. The medical center trains future leaders in health care and includes the dedicated work of many physicians, scientists, nurses, dentists, and public health professionals at the College of Physicians & Surgeons, the College of Dental Medicine, the School of Nursing, the Mailman School of Public Health, the biomedical departments of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, and allied research centers and institutions. Columbia University Medical Center researchers are leading the discovery of novel therapies and advances to address a wide range of health conditions. http://www.cumc.columbia.edu

http://www.alighthouse.com/25days.htm
Dorothy Roller
http://distributor.mylegacyforlife.net/?site=/healthylifetoday/

Now I know what is really wrong with me!!!!!

Search help

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About a week before Christmas the family bought a new nativity scene. When they unpacked it they found 2 figures of the Baby Jesus. "Someone must have packed this wrong," the mother said, counting out the figures. "We have one Joseph, one Mary, three wise men, three shepherds, two lambs, a donkey, a cow, an angel and two babies. Oh, dear! I suppose some set down at the store is missing a Baby Jesus because we have 2."
"You two run back down to the store and tell the manager that we have an extra Jesus. Tell him to put a sign on the remaining boxes saying that if a set is missing a Baby Jesus, call 7126. Put on your warm coats, it's freezing cold out there."
The manager of the store copied down mother's message and the next time they were in the store they saw the cardboard sign that read, "If you're missing Baby Jesus, call 7126."
All week long they waited for someone to call. Surely, they thought, someone was missing that important figurine. Each time the phone rang mother would say, "I'll bet that's about Jesus," but it never was.
Father tried to explain there are thousands of these scattered over the country and the figurine could be missing from a set in Florida or Texas or California. Those packing mistakes happen all the time. He suggested just put the extra Jesus back in the box and forget about it.
"Put Baby Jesus back in the box! What a terrible thing to do," said the children. "Surely someone will call," mother said. "We'll just keep the two of them together in the manger until someone calls."
When no call had come by 5:00 on Christmas Eve, mother insisted that father "just run down to the store" to see if there were any sets left. "You can see them right through the window, over on the counter," she said. "If they are all gone, I'll know someone is bound to call tonight."
"Run down to the store?" father thundered. "It's 15 below zero out there!"
"Oh, Daddy, we'll go with you," Tommy and Mary began to put on their coats. Father gave a long sigh and headed for the front closet. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he muttered.
Tommy and Mary ran ahead as father reluctantly walked out in the cold. Mary got to the store first and pressed her nose up to the store window. "They're all gone, Daddy," she shouted. "Every set must be sold."
"Hooray," Tommy said. "The mystery will now be solved tonight!"
Father heard the news still a half block away and immediately turned on his heel and headed back home. When they got back into the house they noticed that mother was gone and so was the extra Baby Jesus figurine. "Someone must have called and she went out to deliver the figurine," my father reasoned, pulling off his boots. "You kids get ready for bed while I wrap mother's present."
Then the phone rang. Father yelled "answer the phone and tell'em we found a home for Jesus."
But it was mother calling with instructions for us to come to 205 Chestnut Street immediately, and bring three blankets, a box of cookies and some milk.
"Now what has she gotten us into?" my father groaned as we bundled up again. "205 Chestnut. Why that's across town. Wrap that milk up good in the blankets or it will turn to ice before we get there. Why can't we all just get on with Christmas? It's probably 20 below out there now. And the wind is picking up. Of all the crazy things to do on a night like this."
When they got to the house at 205 Chestnut Street it was the darkest one on the block. Only one tiny light burned in the living room and, the moment we set foot on the porch steps, my mother opened the door and shouted, "They're here, Oh thank God you got here, Ray! You kids take those blankets into the living room and wrap up the little ones on the couch. I'll take the
milk and cookies."
"Would you mind telling me what is going on, Ethel?" my father asked. "We have just walked through below zero weather with the wind in our faces all the way."
"Never mind all that now," my mother interrupted. "There isn't any heat in this house and this young mother is so upset she doesn't know what to do. Her husband walked out on her and those poor little children will have a very bleak Christmas, so don't you complain. I told her you could fix that oil furnace in a jiffy."
My mother strode off to the kitchen to warm the milk while my brother and I wrapped up the five little children who were huddled together on the couch. The children's mother explained to my father that her husband had run off, taking bedding, clothing, and almost every piece of furniture, but she had been doing all right until the furnace broke down.
"I been doin' washin' and ironin' for people and cleanin' the five and dime," she said. "I saw your number every day there, on those boxes on the counter. When the furnace went out, that number kept going' through my mind. 7162 7162. Said on the box that if a person was missin' Jesus, they should call you. That's how I knew you were good Christian people, willin' to help folks. I figured that maybe you would help me, too. So I stopped at the grocery store tonight and I called your misses. I'm not missin' Jesus, mister, because I sure love the Lord. But I am missin' heat. I have no money to fix that furnace."
"Okay, Okay," said father. "You've come to the right place. Now let's see. You've got a little oil burner over there in the dining room. Shouldn't be too hard to fix. Probably just a clogged flue. I'll look it over, see what it needs."
Mother came into the living room carrying a plate of cookies and warm milk. As she set the cups down on the coffee table, I noticed the figure of Baby Jesus lying in the center of the table. It was the only sign of Christmas in the house. The children stared wide-eyed with wonder at the
plate of cookies my mother set before them.
Father finally got the oil burner working but said, "You need more oil. I'll make a few calls tonight and get some oil. Yes sir, you came to the right place", father grinned.
On the way home father did not complain about the cold weather and had barely set foot inside the door when he was on the phone. "Ed, hey, how are ya, Ed?" "Yes, Merry Christmas to you, too. Say Ed, we have kind of an unusual situation here. I know you've got that pick-up truck. Do you still have some oil in that barrel on your truck? You do?"
By this time the rest of the family were pulling clothes out of their closets and toys off of their shelves. It was long after their bedtime when they were wrapping gifts. The pickup came. On it were chairs, three lamps, blankets and gifts. Even though it was 30 below, father let them ride along in the back of the truck.
No one ever did call about the missing figure in the nativity set, but as I grow older I realize that it wasn't a packing mistake at all.
Jesus saves, that's what He does.